Better Now

Today just goes to show that when you're not comfortable at home, you're not comfortable anywhere. In a manner of thinking about how everything here relates to my students, I am glad I had the experience I did this week. I was not comfortable in the first host home I was in. My host mom there was very stern, serious, even rude at times. I felt like I could never make her happy. From the moment I arrived, she treated me like I had done something wrong even though I barely knew her. Even though I was unaware of it at first, my anxiety grew every time I had to go back to the house because I knew she'd be upset at me for something. I didn't realize how much of an issue it was until I was talking to one of my group members about how I was hungry because I hadn't eaten much at meals. She suggested that I could ask my host mom for more food, and I remembered that morning when I was scared to even ask her for a napkin. I realized that it was impossible to practice Spanish, or feel comfortable, with someone I was afraid to ask for a napkin. So, despite how comfortable I was with my room there, the family cats, and the other family members, I went to the school director today and asked for a transfer of host family.
To my surprise, he agreed, and told me to go grab my stuff. I was shocked, because I figured it would be at least a week to arrange another host home. I went back to get my stuff packed, and within an hour, I was in a new home. My new host mom greeted me with a warm smile, introduced me to the rest of the family  and sat and talked with me for half an hour about our families, our work, and our lives. She told me that if I needed anything to just ask, and that she was happy to have me here. In just the first 10 minutes of being here, I felt like I could breathe again. I don't have to stress about making small mistakes, or worry about what I'm going to get scolded for next. I feel like I took a gamble in requesting a transfer, and won. Now even though I know this week will be busy and I will be stressed with everything I have to do, I know that I will be emotionally more prepared to handle it.