My First Week

I felt more love this week than I have ever had in a lifetime. 

This week I got to experience firsthand what it's like to learn a new language in a new country. At first, I was surprised how easy it was. I was meeting new people and seeing new things, beautiful views and landscapes that took my breath away. I tried my hardest to speak Spanish, and didn't mind being the target of jokes and teasing because I didn't understand. My family asked me a lot of questions and were very careful to speak slowly and clearly so I could follow everything.

It was about a week in when things got hard. I'm not even sure what changed. It was probably just a buildup of a lot of things. I think I just got tired. Now tired physically, because I have been sleeping enough. But tired of constantly having to struggle. I was tired of trying to explain basic things and needs that I should be able to say but don't know the words. It's much more challenging than I thought it would be. 

Fortunately I'm thankful for a lot here. My host family was wonderful. Betty, the grandmother, was so loving and sweet and kind. She was a terrific cook. She always made sure I had plenty to eat. Her daughter, Mariela, was beautiful and was exactly my age. She was always really interested in learning about me and very patient with teaching me new things. The youngest sister was 21 and taught me a lot about Guatemalan culture for people my age. Her boyfriend really liked including me in the conversations, too. And Eduardo, Mariela's son, was 7 years old and a riot! He loved to give me random hugs and entertain us instead of eating his dinner. Not unlike the kids in the United States.

My favorite thing about my host family was that they never gave up on me. They didn't let "Yo no entiendo" (I don't understand) be the end of the conversation. They would talk and explain and draw pictures for me, sometimes for 10 minutes or more, until I understood what was going on. 

All of us girls on the trip felt like we were back to being children again, in a lot of ways. Our moms gossiped about our sleeping, living, and eating habits, and if we could speak and understand them. We had to eat our food even if we didn't like it. We had to go to bed at 8 because we were so exhausted. Most of the time we don't know our plans for the day, so when our parents said "Vamos!" we would "vamos" right along like little ducklings with no clue as to where we were going. It sounds stressful but in a way it was kind of freeing. I had very little to try to remember, so I was free to devote all my energy to speaking Spanish (which is a lot more energy than I expected).

I learned a lot in my first week here. Not just Spanish but life, and the culture here. In Guatemala, there is a phrase called "sobremesa" which is a custom to spend time together at the table, whether you're eating or not, and just be in each other's presence, even if it's silent. It's silent a lot of the time, and nobody feels awkward or feels the need to fill it. I've learned to appreciate just sitting and being with other people I love. If anything was a gift from this first week, it was that. I feel ready to continue on my journey. 

First Morning Reflections

This morning, I am thankful for the fact that I slept well last night. Of course, sleeping medicine helps a lot. That was nice to wake up naturally to birds singing, cars driving around outside, and sunlight streaming through the open window. It gave me a solid hour to re-pack my bag from looking like "Holy crap here's everything on my list thrown into this bag!" to "Here's what I need on top."
I have always been an early riser as an adult. I think that comes from my dad, who would always tell us that the earlier we woke up, the more we could do in a day. Now I have gotten a chance to get my things organized, get my brain organized, and wake up slowly with the smell of fresh air from outside.
Yesterday was a trip! No, literally! They canceled our flight to Dallas, so we had to take a sudden 5 hour road trip from Wichita to Dallas, packed into the last rental van the airport had, with all our stuff piled on top of us! Somehow, we made it with about an hour to spare. Got our bags checked, got through security, and had just enough time to gobble down some snacks before getting on the plane. That was about when my anxiety spiked, but as usual, it dissolved as soon as the wheels on the plane were up and we were in the air. Somehow it's like I just know that whatever happens, will happen now, and there's nothing I can do but accept it and roll with it.
So far, I'm 1/1 on how to use the shower! (Although it did take me three trips to the bathroom to remember all my stuff), and 2/2 on brushing my teeth with a water bottle! I'm 1/2 on not throwing toilet paper into the toilet though. Oops! 😳 Guess my just-woke-up self is not quite fully acclimated yet.
It seems so strange to finally be here. Today we will get to tour Guatemala City a little bit, and start the beginning of our journey. Our professor is taking us on one of the museum tours, which has both an English and a Spanish tour. Guess which one she requested? It's looking like our Spanish learning begins today. Bring it on. I feel ready!

Ready to Leave

What a strange thing it is, to have the thing that I've waited for for 6 months, about to finally happen...

Today I crossed the last thing I had off my to-do list. The to-do list started as 4 sub categories, each with a timeline of which they had to be finished. The last thing on the list was pack. I now have 8 weeks of stuff to survive, in a suitcase, a duffel bag, and a small backpack. My whole life will be in those 3 bags for the whole summer.
I don't even know how I feel. I'm excited, obviously. But it's mixed in with apprehension. I have no idea what to expect. And maybe that's not a bad thing. If I go in with no expectations, then I will be surprised no matter what. It will be a strange feeling, not having to plan every second of every day. With my ADHD as bad as it is, I have gotten so reliant on external reminders to get through the day. My days, weeks, and months are just endless series of lists of things to do, reminders of things to accomplish. If breathing weren't involuntary, it would probably be on my to-do list.

So now I go to a place where, for 8 weeks, I will not be in control. I will simply just have to be. Be still, be present, be learning.

I think that will be a good thing for me. I notice as my departure date gets closer, I have been making an extra effort to hold and pet my cats, to give my horse a little more treats, to hug my boyfriend longer. I'm starting to suspect this trip will make me appreciate everything I have and love, that much more. Not that I don't appreciate and love them, but when my life is just one task after another, it's very hard to just be present and enjoy the things I love.

So among my goals of learning Spanish, and experiencing another culture, I want to practice being present, as much and as often as possible. I want to soak in every experience that I have, without the constant background noise of social media and checklists. I have made it this far. I no longer have to be an overachiever and have a big destination in mind. The destination is here. And I'm going to experience everything I possibly can.

Wish me luck, everyone! I will miss you all!